Fashion Citations for the Week:

Yes, I know that I am not the fashion expert. But, let's just admit that it doesn't take Coco Chanel to realize these fashion faux pas that crossed my way this week:

1. To the lady in Wal-Mart this week that had a very stylish top on with strings that tied around her neck, here is your citation: cute top, but for the love of all things good and holy, PUT ON A STRAPLESS BRA!!!! I am quite certain that your cup size is probably at least a DDD. That means that going without a bra became a crime about four cup sizes ago.

2. To the lady at Casa Mexicana last night that sat at the table next to us, here is your citation: While we were eating, I have to admit that I was admiring your figure for a woman your age. I had guessed that you were probably in your late forties or early fifties. It looked like you watch what you eat without going overboard, and you probably workout a couple of times a week - I thought you just looked very healthy. Then you stood up. You are too old for me to know that you wear thong underwear from Victoria's Secret because your pants were too tight. For that matter, it doesn't matter how old you are, if your pants are so tight that I can tell what kind of underwear you have on or that you have none on at all, you are getting a felony citation.

And a fashion warning goes to:

The little girl at Target that was shopping for clothes yesterday. I overheard you talking about starting kindergarten this year, and then you proceeded to beg your mother for a T-Shirt that you just "had" to have that had a skull and cross-bones silkscreen print on it. I realize that people in the fashion industry think you should wear this, but you shouldn't. And fashion industry people, you had skulls on everything at Target from clothes to lunchboxes. Stop it! And little Target girl, your mom gets a gold star for telling you "no" on that one. (She should have told you "no" on a couple of other things, but we parents have to pick our battles sometimes).